hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
