dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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