just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
