She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
