I'm so fucking centered right now
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
