I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
