good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
