I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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