Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
