Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
