I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
