Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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