2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
