Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
