This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
