i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
