all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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