you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My ass is underappreciated
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
