Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
