ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
