Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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