if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
