Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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