Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
