I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
