Your face is a jimmy john
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
