I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
