i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
