I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
