I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
