8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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