okay pat passed out under dana's car
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
