he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
