she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
