just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
