I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
now i know why i became what i already was.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
