I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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