And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
