2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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