i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
