..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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