U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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