i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
