My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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