i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
