please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
