Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
