I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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