I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
