i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
