We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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