Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
